Recently Caspian’s big brother Max, asked me if I wanted Caspian to be normal like him, ever? Thankfully I asked him “Why?”, “you seem to love him as he is” was his reply. Little did Max know I had been striving and straining for that end result. It had cost me a lot of tears to love my little warrior as he is. With his wild ways, sharp elbows and sleeplessness. De Martini talks of parts of yourself you disown or don’t like will appear and reapp ear in your life until you embrace it. For me it was conflict, overvaluing intelligence and appearing to be a good person (shame/pride). On the wisdom of my heart and a good friend I have strived to love and accept Caspian as he is. Naturally I still have moments & days were I really resent his behaviour, I would be lying to say anything else. However, I am changed for the better. (feel free to sing with me). Now I see a bright shining warrior boy. He’s regaining his lost height; he has beautiful strong body and delightful face. He is cheeky, strong willed and loving. He is so changed from a few years ago. Now it is a delight to watch him move. He runs swiftly, climbs, jumps like a madman, scoots around the block!
I still yearn for the day he wakes from a seizure and he doesn’t stammer terribly like he did this morning, I yearn for all the words he has learnt to be accessible to him and I yearn to chat to him. But for now I am content. He is beautiful, happier and I am too.